Ancient graffiti: O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.

Now this is very european: I am sitting in Prague, reblogging an article found on one of the most popular german pop culture blogs about ancient graffiti smut from Italy. Brilliant!

Pearls of wisdom like “On April 19th, I made bread” have actually been found on walls in the ancient village of Pompeii. By the way, I have been to a brothel there…sadly it had closed down a few centuries ago so I could only see the stuff that had been going on there. I was missing out big time!

Pompeii MMF group sex

Two men and a woman making love; Pompeian wall painting, from one of the Therms (baths), the south wall of the changing rooms – painted around 79 BC. Source: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Roemer7.JPG

So here is my little highlight reel of the best scribblings in no particular order:

1. VII.12.18-20 (the Lupinare); 2175: I screwed a lot of girls here.

2. VII.12.18-20 (the Lupinare); 2192: Sollemnes, you screw well!

3. III.5.3 (on the wall in the street); 8898: Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog

4. III.4.2 (House of the Moralist); 7698b: Remove lustful expressions and flirtatious tender eyes from another man’s wife; may there be modesty in your expression.

5. V.3.9 (House of Cosmus and Epidia; right of the door); 6702: Aufidius was here. Goodbye

6. V.5 (just outside the Vesuvius gate); 6641: Defecator, may everything turn out okay so that you can leave this place

7. VI.14 (vico degli Scienziati); 3042: Cruel Lalagus, why do you not love me?

8. VI.15.6 (House of Caesius Valens and Herennius Nardus); 4637: Rufus loves Cornelia Hele

9. VI.16.15 (atrium of the House of Pinarius); 6842: If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girl friend

10. VII.2.48 (House of Caprasius Primus); 3061: I don’t want to sell my husband, not for all the gold in the world

11. VII.12.35 (Vico d’ Eumachia, small room of a possible brothel); 2145: Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian

12. cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of women

13. VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1816: Epaphra, you are bald!

14. VIII.7.6 (Inn of the Muledrivers; left of the door); 4957: We have wet the bed, host. I confess we have done wrong. If you want to know why, there was no chamber pot

And finally, epic win in terms of wisdom, metaphor and funniness:
VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1882: The one who buggers a fire burns his penis

Find the complete list here: Graffiti from Pompeii

This list – for me – was the most exciting read in weeks. Those Ancient Romans scribbled entertaining sh*t all over their surroundings just like we do today. And the topics then have obviously been the same as today: Food, digestion and sex.

By the way: I think a lot of excellent ideas by genius thinkers and scholars are overlooked by mainstream science. Walls on public, university and school toilets offer the best insights into basically everything. Don’t hate! Educate!