Slovenia’s favorite, Justin Bieber has been arrested in Miami Beach today on suspicion of DUI, drag racing, resisting arrest, and driving on an expired license. Although he doesn’t look too worried on his official mugshot he surely is in desperate need of help from this very Blog and Google AutoComplete.
If you’re a passionate Belieber by any chance, just stay calm and read the following tips. Everyone can help. He would do the same for you after all!
How can you help Justin Bieber in these dark times?
Yeah…to be honest? Google AutoComplete doesn’t seem to offer a lot of help. Suggestion 2 (a serious beating) might not be the perfect execution of suggestion 3 (help). Rehab might be a good idea in general though. Would make his lawyer’s defense easier too. Free Bieber!
Bieber needs… a care packet so bad!
Way to go, Google AutoComplete, now we’re getting somewhere! There’s something for everybody in these suggestions. Bieber haters (booh!) are cheering for number 1. And all Justin Bieber fans finally know what to stuff in their care packets for the little rookie jailbird:
- a KitKat (2)
- diapers (3)
- and “oxygen” (4)?! Must be some kind of medication. Judging from his mugshot presumably something that helps against bad skin or something? Just loot your parents’ medicine cabinet and send it all to him. If it doesn’t help with suggestion 4 it might at least help the people trying to make suggestion 1 a reality. Everybody wins!
Oh yeah, since we’re already on the topic…
This dude’s bladder really is fierce. Must be difficult for him to perform an entire song without peeing all over the stage. How does he do it man? He certainly seems to have experience wearing diapers, as I haven’t seen any tabloids reporting on shows being cancelled because of pee pee flooding. So be sure to send him as much diapers as you can. Oh yeah and why not include a pee pee pot or something. Maybe he just hasn’t received potty training yet. The constant smell of old Bieber pee pee in his prison cell might be bearable for the little man boy himself but his inmates? Uh oh, there will be trouble man!
All we can do now is to get those care packets on the way ASAP and hope for him to enter rehab remotely over the internet or something. Just sit and wait. It will all work out in the end. And what about pretty Bieber? What can poor Justin Bieber do in jail in the meantime?
Can Justin Bieber just go on with his normal life in jail?
Well he certainly can in some respects: It should not be too difficult for him to get his hands on drugs (1), being the thug that he is known to be. Tattoos (4)? Not a problem. Lines might not be straight and grammar won’t always be perfect, but yeah, he can surely still get tattoos in prison.
Justin Bieber’s other two hobbies could be difficult to hold on to however. He will certainly not be able to maintain his creative pastime as a certified graffiti artist. And it might become very difficult for him to continue not eating poop. I mean, his inmates will get angry at some point with all that Bieber pee everywhere. And you know…fighting fire with fire…Bieber, better get ready to eat some…
Oh yeah, and free Bieber!